Say That Our Love Ain't Water Under The Bridge
by foreverchasingthedream
Summary: With Nick and Carla miles apart how do they really feel post wedding?
1. Let me down gently

**It's been a little while but here's a little bit of Narla post wedding. Hope you understand and enjoy, reviews are very appreciated! Enjoy :)**

 **** **Carla's POV**  
 _If you're not the one for me_  
 _Then how come I can bring you to your knees_

Nick. You are the one for me. You have to be the one for me. Everything about you is everything that completes me. The way you soothe my tears, the way your infectious smile lights up my world, the way you hold my body close to yours. You make me feel whole.

I know in the beginning I tried to drive you away. I tried to stop you falling but you fell, you fell so hard. You started on your knees with despair and longing for me to accept your help. You knelt down on bended knee and asked for my hand in marriage, the confirmation you knew I needed. Now you're on your knees collecting yourself up after I shattered our world.

 _If you're not the one for me_  
 _Why do I hate the idea of being free?_

I didn't want you to fall in love with me. I knew I'd hurt you in the end, I told you I would but you didn't believe me and now I have.

I told you I didn't want you and now I haven't got you. Life without you is nothing to me. I need you. I need your warm eyes, gentle lips and soft hands intertwined with mine.

I didn't want to hurt you. God knows I'd never hurt you. You are the most genuine, loving man I've ever come across. You are everything that I knew I didn't deserve but for some reason you wanted me. You wanted me when you shouldn't have but that's not your fault. It's my fault, I'm a walking disaster, everything I touch turns to rubble.

 _Oh honey if I'm not the one for you_  
 _Why have we been through what we have been through_

Nick I didn't want everything to happen like it did. I wanted to be the one for you, the one to be good enough, the one to be accepted.

But I know you can't forgive what I have done, nor would I expect you to. I bought this upon us. I ruined us from the beginning.

I'm not surprised you don't want me really. I put you through too much, I was too much. You had to cope with my gambling, the drinking, the self pity.

We went through so much in our short time together and that gave us such a bonding but ultimately our ending.

 _If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently_  
 _Don't pretend that you don't want me_

If this has to be it please talk to me. Let us sit down and finish it properly. Say our final goodbyes. I can't bare the thought of your face the last time I saw it. So broken and angry.

I want to sit down and tell you I'm sorry. Not because I want you to forgive me or because I want to clear my conscience. But because I want to tell you the truth. I don't want you to understand it but I need to tell you that it wasn't your fault and that you didn't do anything wrong.

Although, I know that you do still love me. You loved me this morning when you woke up, you can't just switch those feelings off. Those feelings are masked in your anger and I can't blame you for that but I know you still want me. Want the life we dreamed of. Our house in Devon with our beautiful children running around the garden.

 _Say that our love ain't water under the bridge_

That's all I need to hear. Say that what we had meant something. Say that it wasn't all a dream. Say you wanted all of our dreams, say it wasn't just a pipe dream.

 **Nick's POV**  
Carla I have so much I want to say, so many questions I want to ask but I just can't find a way. I want to be angry and shout at you, I want to wrap you in my arms and tell you I love you and that we can move on, I want to just walk away and never see you again.

There's so many things but not one of them seems to be possible.

 _What are you waiting for?_ _  
_ _You never seem to make it through the door_

I thought by now you'd have knocked on the door. I'd have thought you'd have come back and tried to talk. I'm not sure whether I'd have let you, maybe I would have.

Maybe "us" meant so little to you that you don't want to bother trying.

Maybe you don't think I'd give you a chance, I would Carla. I'd do anything for us.

Maybe you thought I'd be angry. I'll never forgive myself for the look of terror on your face when I shouted in front of you. I would never hurt you in any way but maybe now you're scared. Now I have to live without you and the memory of your beautifully broken face.

 _And who are you hiding from?_ _  
_ _It ain't no life to live like you're on the run_

I overheard that you'd gone straight to Devon.

Devon. The place where our new life was meant to begin. The place where we were going to be so happy, where we'd find out we were expecting our first baby together, where we'd raise our family and watch our children splashing in the sea, where we'd grow old together and still be as in love as day one.

But now it's a place of broken dreams.

I can picture you sat all alone in our open plan kitchen. The one that should have been filled with the scent of romantic meals I'd have cooked you and with the non stop sound of children's laughter.

You can't live like this Carla. You can't just leave your problems. You shouldn't have run away. If you'd have stayed we could have talked, we could have worked something out. Instead you've left me here all alone and I can't do anything but hate all the empty dreams you've left me with.

 _Have I ever asked for much?_ _  
_ _The only thing that I want is your love_

All I wanted was for you to love me as much as I loved you. But how could you have? You got into bed with another man, you can't have loved me enough.

This morning I thought you did. This evening I still know deep down that you do. I was too angry. Of course you love me.

You are the strongest, bravest woman I have ever met. Of course you love me, you wouldn't have continued our relationship if you didn't. I know you well enough to know that much.

 _If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently_ _  
_ _Don't pretend that you don't want me_

Carla please come back to Weatherfield. Let me talk to you, tell you that I don't care about what you did, that I forgive you, that I love you and that I want our future. It's all true. I don't care, not really, not about what happened. I know you were hurting and I blame myself. I wasn't there for you and that's why you had to run to someone else. If I'd have been there for you properly you wouldn't have done it.

Please don't blame yourself. Blame me. I knew what I was getting into and I took my chances.

If you won't come back to Weatherfield let me come to you. I'll come to Devon. I could pack a bag and be there by the morning.

I know that you still want me. I know that one look into your glowing green orbs and I'll be home. Home isn't Weatherfield or Devon. Home is you. Home will always be you, please Carla let's be home again.

 _Say that our love ain't water under the bridge_

I know that our love meant so much to the both of us. I know how scared you were of a world where you had children but when you talked about it your eyes lit up. Your love is all I want and need. Always has been, always will be.

 **Carla's POV**  
 _Say that our love ain't water under the bridge_

Please Nick, come home. I need you, I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you before I left. Something that changes everything.

I need you. I need your arms around me, I need your arms and your love to protect me and our beautiful baby.

A baby that I didn't tell you about before I left, I was going to tell you after we were married. My wedding surprise to you but now it's too late. We need you Nick, please come home.

 **Nick's POV**  
 _Say that our love ain't water under the bridge_

Carla please pick up the phone. Please tell me that you do still love me. Tell me that even after the way I reacted you still want me. I'll be there Carla. I'll always be there.

Whatever you need, whenever that is, wherever it may be. I'll be waiting.

I'll always be waiting to go home.


	2. I need you

**Well I wasn't going to continue this but after some lovely reviews I've decided to carry on and see where it goes! Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think :)**

 **Nick's POV**  
Another painful night has passed with you not here, you not curled in my arms, your gentle breaths absent from the air.

I lie where you should be lay. Your favourite perfume still lingering on the pillow. If I keep my eyes closed I can pretend you're there.

But as my eyes open I am faced with the harsh reality of knowing you're hundreds of miles away. My dreams again dashed.

 **Carla's POV**  
You were there, I could see you Nick. I was almost touching you but the headlamps beat me to it. You were gone.

I spring up shaking from the terror of my latest nightmare. One where we were so close and it was snatched away from us. I've only got myself to blame. That's what I did to us.

As my chest slowly regains its natural rise and fall I sink back into the bed. Our bed. What was so nearly our bed. My hand assumes its newest position. Not around the stem of a glass but around the slight swell that holds the future. A future that I've still not found the courage to share with you.

I nearly found the strength to call you yesterday. To tell you that you were going to be a daddy again. I found your name on my phone but I couldn't press call. I couldn't bare the thought of hearing your voice, so far away.

I was scared. Scared that you would hate me for taking our precious baby so far from you, scared that you'd think I was trapping you, scared that you'd only come back for the sake of our baby. I was also scared that if I heard your voice again I wouldn't be able to cope.

How could I cope knowing that you were so far away from me and probably hating me for ruining us and our family.

 **Nick's POV**  
I managed the get myself up this morning, only dragging myself into the kitchen to find an array of bottles scattered around, a reminder of the pain I'm so desperate to forget.

It's like without you a part of me is missing. A part of me that I'm trying to fill. I've tried to fill the gap with anger, tried with tears, tried with self pity and the burn of alcohol is my next trial. I wish something could take away the painful emptiness I've been left with.

I keep my phone with me all the time, hoping maybe one time it'll be your name that lights up the screen. Your name that flashes up rather than all the pathetic well wishes people seem to think I care about.

I wanted to phone you this morning. Before I took my first gulp of vodka I wanted to ring you. I wanted to say "I'm sorry" I wanted to tell you that I didn't mean to shout, to scare you. I wanted to tell you that I forgave you and I know you didn't intend for any of it to happen like it did. I didn't do it because I saw your face and how scared you were, scared to be with me. Why would you want to speak to me? You're better off without me.

Half an hour later I still wanted to ring you. Only this time I wanted to say "it's your fault" I wanted to shout at you, tell you that you ruined everything we had. I wanted to tell you how much I hated you, how you have hurt me in the end. But I didn't. I knew that the words would hurt too much to say, I knew deep down that those words were lies, they were empty words.

 **Carla's POV**  
I feel so lost rattling around in our family home. A family home that didn't see one day as a family. Now all it will hold is a broken home. A home that I couldn't keep together, not even for one day.

I wish we'd had our day. Just our one special day. I remember being so angry at Peter because he couldn't give us one happy day but then I realised I couldn't give that to you.

I don't regret you finding out the truth Nick. I wanted to tell you, I hated hiding such a big thing from you. You'd taught me to be honest. I felt like I could be open and myself with you. You trusted me and I trusted you. That's how we worked. I was wrong to let you trust me. You should have kept me on a leash, for both our sakes, that way I couldn't have hurt you.

I only regret the way the truth had to come out. The way that all eyes were on us. The way we had no privacy to talk things through and silently go our separate ways. Maybe you thought you were doing the decent thing by saying you'd forgiven me and marrying me in front of everybody but I could see the broken heart and soul behind your glossy eyes.

Being able to call you my husband was a privilege even if it was only for one previous moment. Despite everything else you were mine. My husband. The father to our child, a child that you had no idea we were sharing our day with.

I don't even know if we're still married anymore. You told me you were having our marriage annulled. I couldn't blame you. It was the least I deserved given how I left you. I didn't deserve to be called your wife, to be Carla Tilsley.

 **Nick's POV**  
I've managed by now to sleep off my latest round of boozing but only for now.

I drag myself into the bathroom and catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror. I've not had a shower or shaved for days. I look a disgrace. I've been wallowing in self pity for days now. I don't deserve to be your husband in a state like this. If you turned up at the door now you'd see the mess I was and leave me again.

I've decided that now is the moment. Now is the moment that I'm going to freshen up and get my wife back. My beautiful, gorgeous, sexy wife who I cannot bare to spend another minute without in my arms.

I know I told you that I was going to have our marriage annulled. I haven't. I won't. I can't. Not yet. Not until I've tried, I am not losing you without a fight.

As I take my face back to the little stubble that I know you love and tidy up my hair I know I am ready for you. I've tidied up our flat and worked out how to use the coffee machine. I have my phone ready at the table and I'm ready to call you "my wife"

 **Carla's POV**  
It seems like so long since I last ventured into the world. I am so lost here. I have nothing and no one. I have nobody to talk to, nobody who I even know of. I shouldn't be here alone. Nick you should be here with me, we should be strolling along the beach hand in hand planning all the family outings we could have.

I have managed to stop being sick just long enough to get myself dressed. Dressed for what I don't know. I know today will be another day dreaming of the life we could have had whilst breaking at the reality of that life.

Today I have even managed to try and eat, as the toast pops up I run to the bathroom to once again be sick. This is becoming torture. Being here on my own.

I know if you were here your hands would hold my hair back, gently rub my back, hold me whilst I cry and tell me that it would all be ok and worth it when the three of us were home together.

Right now I don't know if it is worth it. I'm sat here crying on my own. Crying for everything I've managed to ruin once again.

I need you Nick. Please just say you need me too. But why would you need me? I've caused you nothing but pain but now is the moment. I can't do it on my own anymore. I have to tell you the truth.

I take my phone out of my back pocket and find "My Nicky" I take one final deep breath and press call.

I hear the dialling tone and quietly beg "please Nick, I need you"


	3. I forgive you

**So I wrote this on a flight home in the middle of the night so I hope it makes sense! Please let me know whether you are still reading this and if you are I shall continue! Enjoy :)**

There's a silence. A silence that shares more than words could possibly say.

Finally after his initial shock Nick relieves this with a quiet and broken "hey"

"Nick" she goes to say but her voice cuts out, partly in disbelief that he actually answered to her, another part of her feeling complete and no longer alone.

There is another uncomfortable silence. Neither knowing which approach the other was going to take. Neither knowing where the ground lay between them. Neither of them daring to share the truth for fear of the others reaction.

"Are, are you ok?" Nick stutters, struggling to take in the voice at the end of the phone, the voice that sounded so broken and the voice she knew only he could put back together.

"I don't know Nick" Carla eventually manages to form her response, knowing that the only way she could ever get through this now was to be honest with Nick.

Carla inhales sharply and continues, Nick knowing all too well not to interrupt her.

"Look Nick, I know I'm the last person on the planet that you want to be associated with, the last person you want to have contact with but please listen to me?"

Nick doesn't respond and Carla takes this as the conformation that he will listen. She knows he'll listen, of course he'll listen. That's the kind of man he is, he couldn't be as cruel as to say no, especially when the woman at the end of the phone was the woman he desperately wanted back.

"I don't want to make excuses for what I did. It was wrong, on every level. I want to explain and hope you can understand why everything went so wrong. It was just after I had found out about Johnny, I went to the casino, I got drunk, he was just there. I didn't go looking for him. I needed to escape from everything. I needed to get out of my head and I didn't know any other way. I pressed self-destruct"

By this point Carla has tears staining her cheeks, Nick knows this and his heart is breaking all over again. He wants to hold her, wipe her cheeks and tell her that everything will be ok. But he can't, he knows he can't. He scared her and that's why she's gone. If he hadn't reacted like he had he could have spoken to her, forgiven her because he already has.

He can't blame her. He wasn't there for her when she needed him most. He shouldn't have been so self-centred, he should have seen the warning signs and been there for her but he wasn't. He knows she was hitting self-destruct and that is her default system.

"I don't expect you to forgive me. How can I? I did the unimaginable to you and now I'm paying the price. I'm living in a shell of our home. The home where we could have cooked family meals and hung the washing out on the line, followed by evening strolls along the beach"

Nick lets a stray tear race down his cheek as he imagines the life that they had so meticulously planned for themselves.

"I don't want to make you or force you into anything, really I don't. I've put you through enough so I'd understand. But Nick please, I'm begging you, come to Devon? Or I'll meet you somewhere. Please, anything. I need you, _we_ need you"

"We?" Nicks voice chokes.

He is confused. Who is this other person? Surely Robert couldn't have gone with her? Surely she can't be doing this to him? But no matter what happens he would always be her knight in shining armour. He couldn't not. But why would she want him near her.

"Yes" Carla replies, all her words suddenly fail her. She'd said it.

"Wha, what do you mean?" Carla can hear the panic in his voice.

"We. Me and our baby. Nick we need you. I need you, I can't do it without you. You're the man I planned this life with. A life where our child runs around the garden playing hide and seek, a life where we read them stories together at the end of the day, then we sit on the sofa snuggled up and reminisce on all the times we've shared"

Carla just continues to talk. Nick sits in their flat in silence. He can't comprehend what he is being told. His wife and baby are at the other end of the country because of him. The way he reacted. Not because of what she did, but because he lashed out and didn't tell her the truth. He told her what he thought he should say in front of the gathered audience but really he should have told that it didn't matter. That he understood. That he forgave her. That was the truth. But he didn't.

"I can't do it on my own. I can't bring a child into this world into a broken home. I can't subject a child to a life where they don't see their dad everyday, a life where drop off time is a misery because neither parent will speak to the other, or a life where they don't see their daddy at all. Any child of mine will not go through what I did. I don't expect you to respond now. You need time to take this in, I understand that. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I just ask that you consider our beautiful, tiny baby in all of this. Even if I can't have you, don't punish our baby for my mistakes"

Nick still can't speak. He furiously blinks back the tears as memories of his childhood flash back, all the things he would do with his child that he never experienced. All the things he wished he could still do with his dad but knowing it was too late. He was going to stand up and be the man Carla and their baby needed. But right now he couldn't find the words to express that.

"Look it's been a shock Nick. I'll just cut the phone off now and leave you to think about everything. I'm sorry to have sprung this on you. If and when you want to talk about things I'll be here. Nick, please take care of yourself. You can still talk to me. I love you"

With that the line goes dead before Nick has the chance to whisper…

"I forgive you Carla. I love you"


End file.
